My Elul - My Greatness and My Flaws

So much of what I read and see teaches methods to find more balance in my life.  Stay calm, breathe, meditate, we are dark and light, we are a mixed bag and it takes time and effort to pay attention to stay calm, breathe and meditate.  I'm exhausted just from that sentence. 

My promise to myself for this coming year is to find the balance of my greatness and my flaws.  My critical voice often concentrates too much on my flaws.  I know that, we all know that.  This year, I'm going to strengthen the voice that empowers and shares my love of all that is good and great.  I want to lear to make that the stronger voice both internally and externally.  

In our lives, we have people who also see our flaws, our challenges and our fears, and there are those in our lives who can help us see the best in us, our accomplishments and our talents.  Those people are the ones that I want to surround myself with so that we walk this path together - a path of results, a path of success and a path partnership.

#MyElul - I'm a mix of greatness and flaws and all is possible.  Loving what I do, sharing the commitment to raise a family, engage a community and find deeper meaning in everything I do are my promises to myself.  These are probably my best New Year resolutions ever. 

My Elul - Participate and Witness

Today is no ordinary Monday - so much was accomplished.  From getting my kids to school, to meeting after meeting, to a doctor's appointment, and then to another meeting.  Every moment of this day made an impact on me.  Through #myelul lens, I was able to see the spark, the connection, the human spirit, the partnership and the dedication of so many people who want to simply do their job well. 

As a participant, my colleagues and I made decisions, found the creative answer, respected each other and had a few laughs.  Oh, and two of us disagreed but we agreed to disagree, so it ended well.  The work that we did today will impact other tomorrow, the next day, next week or maybe a month from now.  Whenever it hits, I am confident that the impact will be felt. 

As a witness, I saw passion in actions, sparkle in eyes, and confidence in voices. It all was so moving to me. I saw people who want to be better, do better, and strive to encourage others to share think bigger. 

#MyElul reflections today made me realize how beautiful it is to be surrounded by those who are likeminded, compassionate, smart, creative, forward-thinking and know how to get things done.  And that is what happened today - we got a lot done and I'm going to sleep feeling very accomplished. 

My Elul - Community

I am part of many communities.  Lucky, grateful, and working hard to create moments and experiences that allow me to learn, grow, make a difference and take time to understand what else I need to accomplish or what is expected of me.  During this month of Elul, I have heard the word community and even more, I have really felt it.  

This is the image that I see every day when I walk into my office.  It truly represents who I am and who I want to be.  I'm surrounded by love, prayer, intelligence, determination and commitment.  My colleagues are smart, funny, interesting, caring and dedicated community leaders.  They inspire me with their creativity, kindness and willingness to take on the challenge of raising money for the important work of The Jewish Federation.  #lovemyjob

My spiritual community is just as rich.  Last night, our Shabbat service was held on the roof.  As we prayed together, sang and learned together, I felt alive.  Not the jumping up and down or waving your hands show of aliveness, instead I felt present, I'm where I'm supposed to be, blood running through my veins, heart pumping.  I looked into the eyes of my fellow congregants and saw their joy, pain, peace or struggle. And we were together, a community, diverse and similar, sharing this moment and supporting each other.   

And again this morning, our #MeditationPlus circle is a precious community of meditation, prayer, learning, and challenging prompts for spiritual growth.  This community has transformed me.  It has given me guidance, new perspective and confidence.  I learn more than just the practice of meditation or the Rabbis thoughts on Torah text, I learn about myself, to listen, to interpret, and be amongst people who share their ideas and experiences. It is a safe space and never gets tired or old. 

I'm part of something, a family, friendship, a congregation, an organization, and all these pieces enrich my life.  And for that I am grateful.  Looking forward to new opportunities, new partnerships and new experiences in the coming year. 

My Elul - Truth

This week I was told the truth.  Someone I barely know understood that I needed to hear some important information.  The voice was direct, honest, and though soft-spoken, I heard the message loud and it repeated like a loop in my mind.

The truth is a complicated gift.  I knew this truth, but I chose to ignore it many times.  I thought a lot about why I've put this information away.

Timing is everything.  How do I use this information and when?  Pieces of the story get put aside until a later date.   Sometimes it's my coping skills and sometimes I just do not want to deal with negative, disappointing, or frustrating information.  My brain can take in a lot of information, but it needs time to process the bigger decisions.

My truth, your truth, the collective truth and the reality are what we have.  Since we don't have our own playback video to refer, we need to trust ourselves and others who are looking out for our best interest (whether we like it or not).  Can I trust the others?  This remains for me the bigger question.  While I try to live my life without regret (as much as humanly possible), when I reflect on those times that I heard messages that could have changed my life, I do wonder, "What if?"  But my truth today is that every decision I've made is what has provided me with the learning opportunities I've needed and of course, in many cases, has given me my greatest joys.

My promise for the coming year is to hear truth with open mind and understand how this information is brought to my attention.

My Elul - New Responses

In this month of reflection, I wonder today what is it that makes one behave differently, more thoughtfully and transform to what one wants to become.  New responses to situations allow me to see more clearly my growth or my regression.  Today, I don't want to yell. Today, I don't want to be frustrated by the external forces.  So, I need a new response.

I had two difficult conversations in the past 24 hours - one was very personal and one was professional.  In both situations, I responded differently and heard a new voice. Neither right nor wrong, just a new response. The personal was quiet, comforting, but still strong.  The other was loud and forceful.  In both conversations, I'm not sure if I'm happy with the results and more importantly, not sure that another response would have given me different results. However, I am happy with the appropriate use of my voice, stronger when necessary, comforting when necessary.

Difficult conversations happen all the time.  It's not easy, pleasant, or enjoyable, but it is an opportunity to learn, grow, and sometimes offer comfort when the aggression is a mask for sadness.  And following difficult conversations, rewards can be great, stronger connections can be made and relationships are more authentic, genuine, and meaningful.  This is my experience.

My Elul - a time for new responses, a time to reflect on past conversations and consider what could have been said to help, guide, teach and learn.  And when faced with the next difficult conversation, I will remember to find the balance of compassion and strength.  Meditation will be a valuable tool for continuous reflection beyond Elul.

My Elul

For the past few years, I have thought a lot about what I need to prep for the High Holidays.  What is it that I want to accomplish in the coming year?  Am I able to reflect on the past year and honestly admit my successes and my failures?  As I sat in #MeditationPlus yesterday, I made a commitment to myself that this year, I would write my thoughts throughout the month.  #MyElul will be my own reflections, my hopes, my regrets, and my promises so that when I show up for Rosh Hashanah, I will be ready.

This year felt like an important year.  Maybe because we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, that's a big deal.  Maybe because I saw some significant growth in our children this year.  Maybe because even the hard stuff that we faced helped us grow.  One of these reasons, all of these reasons, or something entirely different. Whatever it is, these experiences feel more real, more impactful and more authentic.

It made me wonder what I felt years ago.  Today, I pulled out my old journals and was surprised to hear my younger voice as one striving for growth, learning, and opportunities to connect with my family, friends and community.

Fall, 1993 - I wrote that I wanted a job in the Jewish community as a way to connect to my religion.

December, 1993 - I was changing careers and had not yet been hired in the Jewish community.  I was temping and frustrated that my peers were more accomplished.  I was going to dinner with a friend and had $3 in my wallet.  I wanted independence, I wanted to career and I knew how lucky I was that I had a very strong support system. I wrote, "...I will conquer and I will make something of myself."

March, 1994 - Was sad to find that I wrote too much about my appearance and my weight, but this happened to be a good one - "I felt beautiful today.  It was great. I didn't care about my weight, and I felt absolutely stunning. I wish I had more of these days."  I was still temping which made the entry even more wonderful to read.

September 5, 1994 - Compassion - I wrote an entire entry about my love, friendship and sadness for a friend who was going through a very difficult time.  My heart was broken for her then and today, as I read it again, I am right back in the memory.

#myelul - just the beginning

Empower by Retreat

Teamwork is critical to our success.  Individuals have responsibilities and as we work together, I am always inspired, energized, and renewed by the creativity of our team.  

Last week, our team came together for a 1/2 day retreat.  We met at a location away from the office allowing us to stay focused and challenged.  Our goal was to discuss the next 12 months both strategically and creatively.  In addition, we welcomed new staff around the table with an opening meditation and sharing exercise.  These types of exercises offer all of us around the table a few minutes to get settled, relax, and develop a circle of trust.  This is particularly important for the new staff around the table.

Following this opening exercise, we concentrated on the work ahead of us.  Through review and analysis, we were able to evaluate our plans, make adjustments where necessary and begin to strategize as we look ahead. Talking to each other, hearing everyone's ideas, allowing voices to be heard are all empowering and the real success of the retreat.  In designing a retreat, it is critical that work gets done, but it is equally important to reconnect the team, renew the trust among colleagues, and for all around the table to exhibit leadership and partnership.

Ideas for opening exercises:

• Use photographs as a prompt to tell a story
• Create an art project that remains in your office, and use it during other meetings to remind the staff they are one team
• Have staff bring favorite quotes or lyrics as responses to some prompts.
• Create a word exercise that is both about the work and can be incorporated into an art project

Though it was only a half-day, we got a lot accomplished and I look forward to planning our next retreat.

Reconnect, Renew and Recommit!

Thanks to my team for sharing their creativity, their voices and their professionalism.
#teamawesome

Lessons from Meditation - Love and Compassion

For me, today's meditation evoked the word COMPASSION again and again.  Following Rabbi Sohn's beautiful guided meditation, we studied the text below.

When the LORD thy God shall enlarge thy border, as He hath promised thee, and thou shalt say: 'I will eat meat', because thy soul desireth to eat meat; thou mayest eat meat, after all the desire of thy soul. (Deut 12:20)

We spoke a lot about expanding your heart and soul.  In doing so, the more we give, the more open we become.  Our spiritual and physical selves are connected.  All that is done from your soul, connects you to God, others and yourself.

I am human.  I try hard to connect with others in hopes that I can learn, grow and give.  When the outside world messes with me, I try to reset. Meditation helps me do that.  Here are a few new ways of dealing with external:

• Breathe 
• Pause
• Monitor your reaction 
• Choose your behavior wisely and thoughtfully
• Be kind
• Be compassionate
• Connect with others
• Laugh
• Pray

As we begin the month of Elul, every moment is an opportunity for growth and connection.  When you are feeling those human struggles of insecurity, exhaustion, discontent, this is the moment to be understanding and compassionate to yourself. 

Love, be kind, heal, offer peace - for yourself and for others.