I wanted to sleep in. I could have slept in. But yesterday was Shabbat and Meditation Plus began at 9:15am. I wanted to stay home, stay in my pajamas and the world outside. It was an intense week, all the normal anxieties of adulthood felt exponentially heightened. Each smile felt forced, each joyful moment (there were some) felt brief.
So, when I could have stayed home, when I wanted to stay home - I didn't. I got up, got dressed and made my ritual Shabbat morning walk to shul. I still felt off, still felt like the walk was longer than other days. But I continued, put one foot in front of the other and kept going. I looked up at the sky, concentrated on breathing and tried to find some enjoyment in the beautiful day. Though clear outside, I, myself, felt cloudy.
I finally arrived and with each heavy step, climbed the stairs without the usually skip in my step. "Just get there," I said to myself. I reached the top of the stairs and took a deep breath, "I made it," I thought to myself. To find some instant comfort, I sat in one of my favorite seats. I had moved it a few weeks before for a change of perspective, but like a security blanket, the moment I sat in my favorite seat, I relaxed a little more.
And then we began. Rabbi Ruth Sohn's voice guided us first and then after our silent meditation, I felt elevated, refueled, relaxed, and calm. I shared with the group that during the meditation, I had an image of walking through mud, dragging myself to get to where I was going, and that the meditation had helped remove me from the mud. As the meditation progressed, my imagery included stepping out of the mud and standing unburdened. All it took was for me to show up. Even though I wanted to sleep in and stay home. I made the right decision.
Show up! I took that action a few more times which lead to great conversations, reconnecting with friends and a new perspective for the holiday of Sukkot. These past 48 hours have been transformative. As the holiday teaches us that life is fragile, temporary, open and what matters most are your family, friends, your community, and the values that allow you to stay close, reach out to others, share food, friendship and love.
Chag Sameach
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