Boring is Essential

So many days and nights, I hear about great things that happen to good people and even amazing things that happen to not so good people and I often wonder, "What is my adventure?"  I watch "Amazing Race," "Survivor." and the rest of my television line is filled with DC Comics and Marvel. I love superheroes!  Life is exciting with the Agents of Shield, the Arrow, and the Flash.  I'm watching Transformers as I write this.  Nothing like a great superhero to save the good guys and protect us from the bad guys.  If life was only that simple.

However, while on vacation this week, I decided to stay home due to lack of funds, priorities at home, and a need to accomplish serious clean-up in our house. The waves of emotions that I have experienced spending this much time in my house has really surprised me.  In this vacation scene, rather than the usual tropical setting where one gets to be reckless and act childish, my husband and I jumped all in to "GrownUpLand" and began tackling our list of things that needed to be done.

Honestly, my waves of emotion looked more like on big bell curve.  Days 1, 2 and 3, were full of love, family and friendship.  With Seders, birthday celebrations and quality time with my mom, it was definitely on the incline of the curve.  And then, the days came when others are at work and I had to start tackling my list.  Days 3 and 4 were filled with errands, getting kids to where they need to be, picked up from their places and finally crossing things off our "to do" list.  At top of the bell curve, I was in full resentment - "Why can't I be in Hawaii?  Why can I be anywhere?"  (The downside of Facebook is you get to see everyone's joyous moments which adds to my own resentment.)

And then the shift happened - we started accomplishing.  Documents filed, birthday parties planned, some future planning decisions being made.  We are a team.  Resentment gone - boring life gave me some strength, confidence and I still have some days left to get in some fun with my family.

Doesn't sound so exciting, but this boring vacation may be a special one, to even my surprise.  Boring, yes. Productive, yes.  Did I feel like a superhero, no.  Did I watch a few on television, yes!

Wishing everyone some very boring time this week.

Honest and Kind

Could you be both honest and kind?  Do you have to be brutally honest or pathetically kind?  I've spent the last couple of years paying attention to living these values hand in hand.  I am committed to being honest and kind so that I can deliver messages and when I deliver with kindness, these messages are received at the most with gratitude, and at the least with silence.  

You might be wondering what type of messages that I need to deliver in this way -

• I'M SORRY - This message has probably become the most honest and sincere message I deliver on a regular basis.  If you don't deliver it kindly, it could be disingenuous.  Whenever I say, I'm sorry, I always add the reason why.  
• I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME - This is a message that I must deliver often and it can't be voiced with anger, and in fact, it doesn't stand alone.  When I make this statement, I have to follow it with several actions that will encourage a person to trust me.
• I MUST SAY NO - This has been one of the most difficult for me.  It is not easy for me to say, "No," but there is just too much in my life right now and too little time to get it all done.  I used to deliver this message with frustration and feel that I wasn't completely honest.  I wondered, "Couldn't a find a few more minutes?  Couldn't I get it done if I really want it?"  I realized that I there are two truths that exist here.  I often do want to say, "Yes," but then I only disappoint my family, friends or colleagues.  But the desire to say yes stays with me.  And, I truly do not have the time to say yes and give the project my full attention.  
• I'M SO MAD AT YOU, I'M SO FRUSTRATED - These two sentences have also been very challenging to say with honesty and kindness especially if I am delivering the message looking at their face.  But the more I have these kinds of conversations, I realize that those who remain my friends or co-workers who still respect me, will continue to do so.  This is when I see that creating an opportunity for others to hear your anger, disappointment or frustration - if delivered with honestly and kindly - allows you the opportunity to give that person feedback that they might not be getting from any other person.  
• DON'T DO IT - This is another awkward message to deliver without anger or frustration.  I have tried to deliver it now several times with a more patient tone, sincere honest and kindness, it it doesn't always work because people ultimately make their own choices.  But in being honest, I feel the need to deliver the message.
• I LOVE YOU - Am happy to deliver this message anytime, anywhere and always with honesty and kindness - is there any other way?

I continue to work on this effort and believe that voicing these messages with mindfulness and thoughtfulness helps keep my stress level down as well as the receiver of the message.

Tomorrow is another day. 

Living My Jewish Life

When I was younger, I remember my brother's bar mitzvah, family Seder at my great-Aunt's house, and Chanukah celebrations.  When I was 11, we moved from New York to Los Angeles.  At the time, I was so excited, I thought I was moving to Disneyland.  Once we moved, our Jewish life was expressed in more cultural activities than in religious life.  

Now, 40 years later, I am a Jewish communal professional, my kids go to day school, my husband works at the same day school, I am the co-President of the Jewish Communal Professionals of Southern California, I found my spirituality at my synagogue thorough meditation and Torah study, I am on the board of my shul and I serve on several committees.  And my Jewish journey continues.  

Last night, at our friends' Seder, despite my lack of Hebrew, I participated, I read, I spoke and I learned.  It doesn't matter that I don't speak Hebrew, I loved my place at the table.

Tonight, at a family dinner without a Seder, I found that I was equally grateful for the spirit of the holiday in which my family celebrates.  It may not be religious, it may not include prayers, but we were together, and we enjoyed our time together.  

Passover 2015 is well on its way to being a great spiritual experience.  When asked last night, "From what do I want to be liberated?"  It took a few minutes, but I then responded, "I want to be liberated from the extra noise in my head."  This year, I made the commitment to myself to learn about counting the Omer.  What the next few weeks will bring is unknown, but I continue on the journey to live my Jewish life. 

Clarity and Freedom

With Passover just hours away, my head is filled with thoughts of family, friendship, learning, immersion, work, the Jewish community, Jewish values, and the week's menu.  In the past year, I have found great peace of mind and a sense of clarity in letting go of some the lighter modern day enslavements.  I am truly blessed which gives me my greatest peace and clarity.  So, in the spirit of Passover, and the desire to be free of enslavements, I am using this time to recommit to liberating myself.

• Clarity - I am who I am 
• Freedom - To continue my search for who I am
• Clarity - I love my family 
• Freedom - Sometimes life is difficult and I still want them around 
• Clarity - I have the best job in the world 
• Freedom - I am committed to the cause which allows me to enjoy the work on even the toughest days
• Clarity - I have more to do
• Freedom - I can do whatever I want
• Clarity - I have great friends and special people in my life
• Freedom - I am committed to working towards deepening these friendships and showing them that I love them and appreciate them.  
• Clarity - There are only 24 hours a day
• Freedom - It is impossible to do everything all the time.
• Clarity - I prefer to be kind
• Freedom - I prefer to be kind even when others can't. 
• Clarity - I have a future
• Freedom - I have a future

Passover is a great time to reflect on the "enslavements" in your life that keeps you from being your best, most joyful, and most compassionate self.  Being kind is one way to shed the anger, the resentment and the sadness. Therapy works too.  My 

Wishing everyone a sweet and meaningful Passover,